Tiny Men In Tights Refuse To Turn Up For Work

Jockeys across the country have decided to go on strike on Monday after the British Horseracing Authority instigated new rules that halved the number of times the riders were allowed to whip their horses during a race. God's little punchlines were outraged by the ruling, complaining that if they were to be penalised for disciplining unruly horses, then the animals might start to take advantage of the lenience, and start smoking or taking drugs or something.

Vertically-challenged athlete Rudy Welsh had this to say on the matter, 'the whip review is ridiculous. They [the BHA] knew we were struggling to keep the horses under control, if you give these beasts an inch they'll certainly take a mile. Personally, I think this is the thin end of the wedge. Before you know it, all the prize ponies will be having unprotected sex or joining third parties and the worst thing is, all the supporters of racing will assume that we [the Professional Jockey's Association] are the ones responsible for the decline in the performance of the horses. Just because we can fit comfortably into most suitcases.'

Any societies or groups championing the ethical treatment of horses that might be out there have remained strangely quiet during this heated issue. Largely because their only advocates are frigid, controlling bitches who only actually care about unicorns.

It's been scientifically proven that everyone knows one of these saccharine-sweet, jumped-up 'philanthropists'. 

The BHA is committed to the whip review but is open to discussion with the striking jockeys in an effort to improve relations and give the little guys the impression that their role in the sport is important after last year's scare, when a select few trainers considered replacing human jockeys with those adorable wee monkeys with opposable thumbs. You know the ones I mean.