Losing a (Pokemon) Battle to Dignity

You awake in a daze in a beret that's seen better years and little else. It would seem you are lying face down on the dusty floor of a tool shed, which would certainly explain all the tools. But not the upturned bucket with the cat sitting on it staring at you like it knows. Like it knows all the terrible things you did last night. 

And I got it all on tape.

You give the shed door a half-hearted push and it gives under your shaking hands with a sinister creak. You risk a tentative peek outside. The morning sun is gloriously bright. With a girlish squeal [well I suppose you could be a girl, I didn't exactly specify your gender yet. Honestly though? I really don't care. I don't need your life story here) you clutch your eyes, praying your scorched retinas can recover from this onslaught of IR rays. Gradually, the fireworks show going on inside your eyelids begins to slow and you can finally get a decent look at where you are.

Rolling, verdant fields stretch as far as the (granted over-exposure-fucked) eyes can see. Against your better judgement, you begin to grin inanely, stepping out onto the luscious emerald turf and gamboling away from the shed. THUMP. You taste grass and the bitter aftertaste of humiliation which allows follows a fall. You must have tripped on something, craning your neck back you see the cause of your current horizontal stance. Some kind of hole, maybe a badger run? No you're pretty sure badgers aren't 4 and a half inches or so wide. Also they don't lay eggs (you're less sure about that one though). Wait, they're not eggs. They're golf balls. How the John-Malkovich-in-Burn-After-Reading did you end up on a golf course?

A rich source of broken teeth.

Vvvvvvvv-vvvvv-vvvvvv. Holy Zombie Jesus, what now? Ah, it's your Xtransreciever, it's ringing. Man, why couldn't you have got a phone with a normal name? Like 4110 or Razzberry? You should probably answer it. Hey! It's that passive-aggressive bitch! You know, your mother! And there's nothing you can do about me calling her that because I'm the narrator! Suck it! She wants to know where you are.Where you've been for the past 72 hours and why there's a Virgin Media technician unconscious in her back garden. You feign ignorance and make your excuses as acerbic as possible. It's clear to your mother that you're in one of those moods, and reminds you that if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. You curtly hang up on the promiscuous harpy and smartly toss the crappy Korean toy into a nearby bush. The bush gives a baritone moan and a rustle. You've definitely disturbed something!

A wild Screaminghobo appeared! Lord Have Some Fucking Mercy! Screaminghobo uses Urine Stream! It's super awkward! But after some mild thrashing and flailing you get away safely, pride mostly, intact. The Screamingobo retreats to its bush, but what's this on the floor? You found a half-litre of hyper-gin! You chug it with some relish, it tastes like peppery shame! Holy Bat Balls! You've leveled up!

Gintuition +1
Ginnovation +1
Ginspiration +1
Gintegrity -1 (You did steal it from a homeless guy after all)

You're trying to learn Clumsily Pickpocket! But you already know 4 moves.
1...2...Tada! You forgot Basic Arithematic... and learned Clumsily Pickpocket!

The world is no longer shaking violently before your eyes - as the horror of that Listerine-inflicted (?) hangover begins to wane - but has begun to merely shimmer, like this WASP-exclusive golf club vista was painted (crudely) onto silk fluttering in a light breeze. God this light breeze is awful, you need to get out of here. There's a bus stop in the distance, and Holy Beast of the Underdark! There's the number 82B! Lucky you're wearing your Running Shoes eh? You sprint for the stop and leap athletically onto the bus. You don't pay. Because you're just like that I guess.

A few short stops later and you're back in the city. The bus kindly deposits you outside a Starbuck's. Which is just perfect. You don't need a coffee or anything, but all that gin has left you with an overwhelming urge to swing something blunt and heavy into someone self-righteous looking. And let's be honest, this is where you're likely to find one. You saunter in and shout out at the top of your lungs, I DON'T AGREE WITH ANY CHARITABLE ORGANISATION DOING ANYTHING, ANYWHERE! That should turn some heads.

You are challenged by hipster Nathaniel! Score one for intolerance! Nathaniel sends out Macbookair! But it's not very effective, at anything. You use Ultra-Fisting Fist! Against the Macbook's puny defense stat it's super effective! The surrounding customers are showered with cheap off-white plastic and shattered motherboard componenets and Nathaniel screams in rage and grief. It sounds like seals barking. You got some Petty Cash for winning! Well, you weren't so much awarded that as you essentially just rifled through the tip jar before making a run for the Fire Exit.

You find yourself in the dingy back alley behind Starbuck's, you take a moment to consider what an awesome day this has been so far, when...

A wild Twitchjunkie appeared! Great Gorgoth The Eviscerator's Ghost! Where did he come from?! It's 10.34am! Twitchjunkie uses Mildy Intimidating Glare! You use Coin Toss! While he's fumbling around on the floor trying desperately to scoop up all the loose change you threw in his general direction, you fish around in the pockets of his mouldy jacket. Nice job! You found a Rare Candy! Wait. No. It's 8 grams of rock. You hit that shit up on the spot and finish it like a champ.

May cause some undocumented side effects.

You leveled up! So many times! There's no stopping you now! You're winning at life now motherfucker! Maybe even in some way twice!

Tiger Blood +100

Outer Realm Brain +100

Fire-Breathing Fists +100

Leaving the junkie howling in the alley, you stroll away. Man you feel great, you haven't flown this high in... like... at least 6 hours! Jesus Rollerblading, virgin-deflowering, Alzheimer's-mocking Christ! You're just like that guy! You know that crappy B-movie actor with an utterly inflated sense of self-worth? Dammit, what was his name again? Wait, I've got it! YOU'RE JUST LIKE BILL PAXTON!

Baby if it'll get you in bed with me, then I'm bi-whatever.

On the Art of getting Film References into your Dubstep

So, dubstep, heard of it? Of course you haven’t, it’s a Bristol thing (Deep Meditations of Mike Grocott; 2008), but should you be familiar have you ever noticed the exorbitant amount of film references and samples in the genre? Well I have, and I’ve taken time out my packed-out schedule (7 hours of lectures a week - weep, for you have nothing to live for) to educate you.

 Because of its massive current popularity, people are wont to forget that the genre’s been around for years and aspects of it were evident in the work of visionaries like Burial, way before the 2007 FabricLive compilation by Caspa and Rusko that shot the sound into the public consciousness like an intergalactic money shot [citation needed].

So, dubstep standard procedure: first of all, you’ll need to find a film you like (Guy Ritchie’s always a good start) and cut out a nice chunk of script. Slap a fat bass line under that and you’re sorted, just sit back and wait for the cocaine money to roll in, right? Well sometimes, there’s also going to be some people with this approach but the big fish in the pond swim there rightfully unlike some (sorry Tinie Tempah, I didn't see you come in), being able to elegantly craft ass-shaking wonderment into neat 4 minute packages, for easy in-club consumption.

Don’t forget though, that film sampling’s nothing new either. Look at DJ Shadow’s Endtroducing… an album composed entirely of samples, or even further back, to De La Soul's tongue-in-cheek hip-hop/soul. Those guys barely found time to fit recording in between bong-hits and yet managed to cram 3 Feet High And Rising with pop culture references.

So what sort of thing is infecting dubstep? I mentioned Guy Ritchie, which was kind of a misnomer because anything remotely cockney is fair game in Rusko’s eyes, but is he cockney? That would explain it neatly but no, he’s not even from London. You’re probably not going to like this but Christoper Mercer, i.e. industry juggernaut Rusko, is, from Yorkshire. Cockney Thug would be quite different had he stuck with his roots. Alright, so can Caspa redeem him? For that purpose I present Born To Do It, containing excerpts from the original (and genius) Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory and Lion’s Roar, based on a scene from the cult/parody hit Kung Fu Hustle. Both are great songs constructed around great film quotes purely on the basis of being what they are, a wee bit different.

Some samples are far more esoteric though, Cragga's remix of Mr Postman would be a good, albeit obvious example, but for a truly inspired premise I have to give credit to the (as yet un-credited) producer of the Lloyds TSB Dubstep Mix. Taking an already catchy advert jingle with gigantic daily exposure and transfiguring it into a monstrously woozy head-nodder was a Nobel-Prize-worthy idea.


The reason pop culture samples are so prevalent in dubstep is that it's just too easy. The basic conventions of the genre are so simple that without some kind of hook, it would never have become so popular in the first place. Vocals just don't provide the kind of pure interest that samples do, though Magnetic Man have been very successful, their vocals are insipid, predictable and just plain dull. They only made it initially because of the weight behind the group's names, particularly Skream and Benga and managed to streamline typical dubstep sound into more refined pop. But it's the inherent simplicity of dubstep that makes it such a rich source, you need only look at the horde of remixes for proof of that. They cover almost all the major schools of music, obviously pop gets the most attention, but there are indie, electro, hip-hop, drum and bass and even occasional folk mixes and all benefit from the treatment. It's rare that a true, blue muso would love a song that at some point got a dubstep remix, but the blander and more banal a paint-by-numbers pop song is, the more it shines with a little filthy dubstep fusion. 

A Campaign Manifesto From A Mentally Unstable Guild Candidate

Hello Students, my name is William and I'm just like you. Except richer, better looking and rather better with the ladies, what with my medically mystifying pheromones. [Ed: That's probably the worst opening statement I've ever seen, I may not have ever done this before but I'm pretty sure you're not winning many voters this way.] But I'm not here to talk about me, well I am, but I'm here to talk about all the ways I can help you out as a Guild Candidate. You may not have seen my posters, flyers or screaming minions around campus or even know that there are Elections going on. But that's because I don't have any. And because you're a drooling fucktard that's one more unprovoked attack away from being put down. [Ed: I didn't think it was possible, but this is actually worse. Is this really what you want to say? That the voter is a mindless animal constantly leaking bodily fluids? How badly are you trying to fail at this?] You see the Guild only offers you £500 (maybe? It's not like I, you know, checked) to cover the costs of printing and MacGuyvering douchey costumes and you'd be surprised how little bourbon and bumper value pack Vicodin you can get for half a ton. Barely a weekend's worth. Man is the economy ever fucked. Not even buying in bulk gets you value for money.

But that leads me neatly to my first pledge as candidate for whatever position needs filling, (let's say all of them). [Ed: If you swallow a jigsaw puzzle later and then promptly died, the coroner's report on your stomach contents would have a better structure than this article. Don't try and do that though, swallow a whole jigsaw, I mean.] Real funny Ed, here I am trying to help out the average student and you're making jokes at my expense.You know what? You can fuck right off. [Ed: I retract my previous statement, please, please try and swallow a 500-piece puzzle. The coroner's report would then also be more entertaining than this article.] Alright I'm just going to ignore you. Here I go. Just going at my own pace here. Not paying you any attention. You lonely yet, Ed?

A vote for William is a vote for Steak & Hookers Tuesday, a hallowed institution and national holiday that's criminally overlooked not just by the University, but seemingly everyone outside my bedsit in [Ed: look man I'm not sure you want to be revealing that kind of personal information. Especially because the cops would know where to come looking for your body. And neither of us want that.] S&HT will bring much needed publicity and revenue to the Guild in these financially troubling times, mostly because it's weekly but also because my understanding of micro-economics doesn't stretch further than: More Vicodin for Less Money, Equals Good.

Now I don't want to fan the flames of hatred or anything, I don't even want slander my totally "reputable" opponents, but seriously, most of them weren't hugged enough as children.

And some too much

Sure they're just using the elections as an opportunity to prove how terribly popular they are and how much they care about the University (I BOUGHT THE SWEATSHIRT! LOOK AT MY DEDICATION!) but is this really a reason to hate them? Yes. Yes it is. And here's another. Unlike those other oxygen thieves I haven't made a thinly-veiled reference to some pop culture buzzword out of my name. I've simply opted for the far less humour-murdering epithet: William 'Couldn't Think Of Anything Funny Here' Franklin. Now, some might say (I'm looking at you, Ed) that by making a reference to the prevalence of poor satirical references in my comedic area of choice I am parodying an already poor parody and therefore making an even douchier joke myself. Possibly measuring anywhere as low as a 4.8 on the Cheezburger Scale of MegaLols. To which I would say, fuck you. Fuck you all the way to the bank.

Where you can open up a FUCK YOU SIDEWAYS account with excellent rates of EAT A DICK interest.

Why vote anyone else for anything? Most of my rivals are terrorists trying to facilitate the spread of super-syphilis anyway, and when you write puns as piss-poor as they do, each flyer you print them on should come with an apology from the doctor that failed to surgically reattach your dick. I've seen better gags in The Pianist than on campus during elections. [Ed: Are you going to say anything here that isn't deeply offensive, generalised libel?] Hmmm, I'm still feeling a little on edge, clearly the last of the Vicodin still hasn't kicked in. Maybe I shouldn't have taken all that coke beforehand. [Ed: Wonderful. This can only get better.]

Powdered Self-Esteem

I don't want to have to resort to violence to get your vote. But I will. I'm sure I don't need to detail all the terrible dick-kicking punishments I'd exact but suffice to say, those witnesses will never be done with therapy. Damn that is good blow. You know what? I changed my mind. I'm pretty sure all I want now is to describe in graphic, pant-shitting detail what I'm about to do to your spine. I'M GOING TO RIP IT FROM YOUR QUIVERING FLESH AND USE IT AS A CHAIN FLAIL TO DISFIGURE YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND YOU'LL STILL BE ALIVE TO SEE IT BECAUSE I AM SO FUCKING FAST. HOW DOES THAT TASTE, ED?!

If you imagine every character in Mortal Kombat was on coke, the game starts to make a lot more sense.

(Ed: Look bro, my name isn't Ed. It's short for Editor, you know? The guy you payed half a bottle of bourbon to proof-read this septic shit-pile you call a campaign manifesto? I describe it thusly as you have yet to suggest anything you would actually do if elected to a position you've still failed to decide on. Other than calling Tuesday Steak and Hookers day, though you have failed to explain how forcing every member of the student body to eat under-cooked meat and fuck squawking street-walkers is going to help anything. Or, if the students actually get access to said steak and prostitutes. I'm not sure whether you really do have a moron's understanding of the Guild's financial input/output, or if you just really like Steak and Hookers. Now I may just be a simple country alcoholic with a competent grasp of the English language, but I honestly believe allowing any of this 'work' into any form of physical print is ethically equivalent to a war crime.] 

Dearest Ed, I will anger-fuck your eye sockets so deep the attack will constitute statutory rape of your neo-cortex.

[Ed: I still get my bourbon though right?]

Jukebox 4/3

Radiohead - Little By Little
The King of Limbs is predictably unpredictable. Like most (if not all) Radiohead albums, initial listens are a chore, requiring repeated attempts to peel back the layers of neurotic noise to reveal the juicy sonic wonders below. Little By Little though, immediately jumps to attention, leaping into your consciousness and stubbornly burying itself there with it's Dylan-on-ether guitar, come-hither lyrics (I know, I always assumed Thom Yorke was asexual, like some kind of misanthropic amoeba) and jangling percussion ripped straight from the outakes of The Eraser. While the rest of Radiohead's latest album still labours in mediocrity, waiting for the moment when everything falls into it's right place, LBL continues to shine as the diamond in the (hopefully temporary) rough.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vMDKg4MMN8

Four Tet - Pinnacles
Released in tandem with Snaith's latest self-reinvention (see below), Pinnacles is short on suprises at first. The first three minutes go to all the familiar places, echoey beats pound out an unobtrusive rhythm and a basic, lonesome synth pattern gleams with regularity, not ingenuity. But then the piano comes crashing in, the drums rise ecstatically and that simple country synth pattern is transformed into a dazzling cyborg bird call. Tet's clearly still got some tricks up his sleeve.
http://soundcloud.com/search?q[fulltext]=four+tet+pinnacles&q[type]=&q[duration]=

Daphni - Ye Ye
The artist formerly known as Caribou (and before that Manitoba) has taken a pretty unexpected change of direction, eschewing the crystal clear instrumental electronica that made his release Swim last year such a treat for the ears, apparently in favour of a more synthetic, industrial style. Opening with a techno-101 beat it quickly snowballs into towering Orbital-esque trance, with a healthy dose of reverberating house thumps thrown in.
http://soundcloud.com/search?q[fulltext]=four+tet+pinnacles&q[type]=&q[duration]=

Toro Y Moi - New Beat
No more chillwave I'm afraid. Chaz Bundick has moved on to sonic pastures new, tightened and streamlined, New Beat is a bouncey disco jam. But the laissez-faire production values that graced Causers of This refuse to be ironed out. The synths are far more polished and refined, but there's just enough spacey distort on the vocals to dull the otherwise squeaky-clean pop veneer. Which is definitely a good thing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNcYDwo9ksA

Tyler, The Creator - Yonkers
Riding on a lurching, staggered beat, Odd Future's mostly critically revered member, Tyler The Creator anger-fucks your ears with some of the most volatile battle-raps in recent memory while he 'mocks deaf rock stars' and 'stabs Bruno Mars in his goddamn oesophagus'. You will fear him. The prophecy is fulfilled, no pop star is safe. He also crashes Hayley William's plane. Ok. I laughed at that one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSbZidsgMfw

6 Tips on giving a great Presentation (on something you know nothing about).

There comes a time in the career of every student, young professional or cocaine dealer when you'll have no choice but to stand in front of a group of peers, colleagues or jury members and talk about something for an extended period of time. Naturally, this can be rather intimidating, after all, you hate most of those arseholes not to mention the fact that you have almost no clue what you're supposed to be talking about or why. So I decided to compile a brief collection of pointers to help you on your way.
[DISCLAIMER: using almost any of these in a real world situation will result in complete and utter, hilarity. Fair warning.]

1. Dutch Courage
An absolutely indispensable course of action just prior to your presentation is drinking. The state medically referred to as 'two-drinks-drunk' will impart a pleasant buzz, loosen your tongue and allow you to more effectively engage with your audience, as we all know: a little light banter never hurt anyone. However, be wary, choose your beverage with care as different drinks (especially spirits) can often result in radically different moods. Whiskey for example, is an unwise choice, as it leaves the drinker in a mild state of murderous, irrational rage and removes all indication of tact or diplomacy. Where gin on the other hand, leaves the drinker brimming with self pity and traps them in maudlin apathy. Naturally, neither are conducive to presenting information with clarity. Absinthe is ideal though.

Mr Franklin? Is that really such a good idea? I mean, you have to talk to HR in 2 minutes.

2. Know The Software
Nine times out of ten, it will be Microsoft Powerpoint that you'll use to give visual aids to your presentation. While no one would deny (apart from Steve Jobs and every hipster oxygen-thief in Starbucks) that it's great software, allowing you to easily set up basic animations, flowcharts and anything else you could want to complement your script, it's important to remember, that Powerpoint hates you. It will take every possible oppurtunity to fuck you over, steal your car and impregnate your wife, so, just be prepared for that I guess. Bring a gun you can threaten it with or something.

3. Know Your Audience

I can tell you now, your audience is a screaming pack of morons. Most need to be fitted with a helmet before using a door and you'd be hard pressed to find someone among them capable of drooling and chewing their shoelaces at the same time. Therefore, make sure you aim the information you're plying low, real low. Avoid polysyllabic words (such as polysyllabic) and take generous pauses between sentences so they have time to really digest what you're saying. You could throw in a dick joke too occasionally, imbeciles love dick jokes. 

...and that's why getting fired is a bad thing. Any questions? No. I don't think it's worth going over it a 3rd time.

4. Respect Your Fellow Presenters

Being able to work in a team is important, but not as important as being able to tolerate the truly insufferable jackasses you're often saddled with to do this kind of thing. But be considerate, chances are they hate you almost as much as you do them. You'll probably be asked to stand when presenting, but a simple act of generosity like getting a chair for your female co-presenter/s can be very beneficial, especially for the woman. As standing upright for long periods of time puts a lot of strain on their brittle bird bones. At the very least, keep your attempts to derail your peers or colleagues as subtle as possible, if it looks like they're on to you, just lean in and remind that pussy that snitches get stitches. 

5. Not Preparing For The Worst
Something will go wrong, let me just say that now (wait, should I have pointed something like that out earlier? It would definitely have given the rest of this some context) and there's no way to actually plan for every eventuality. Which is a great excuse to not worry about it. I mean, how were you supposed to anticipate that fat chick in the break room next door having a coronary? Or all those hallucinogens in the coffee leading you to believe you were Yoko Ono?

As you can see by this squiggly shit here: I dropped two acid tabs half an hour ago.

6. Dealing With The Worst
What did I tell you? You fucked up, but at this point how or why is irrelevant, you need to deal with this. What?  No you have fucked up. You know how I know? That guy in the corner smiling and nodding. Say again? Oh. Yeah I bugged your apartment, I can hear you through your speakers. How else am I going to know what advice to give you on your screwed up life? Jesus. Have a little gratitude. Anyway, if you see someone beaming back at you from the audience, all eager to hear more about Monthly Profit Margins or Carthaginian Trade Routes or whatever the hell you're supposed to be talking about, panic. He/she is just mentally filing away all the ways in which your presentation is laughably inadequate and the smug prick is loving it. The best way to deal with this is to keep struggling on, but focus all your energy on keeping eye contact with the offender. Really let them see the bloodlust in your eyes and leave them wondering just what terrible, godless atrocities you have planned for them after this seminar or whatever is over.

There won't be enough of you left to bury. Your hair will be my trophy. 

Dark Souls - Preview: Gaming Masochism Isn't Dead

If there's one thing hardcore gamers love to bitch about, its how easy games are getting. Well one release in 2010 shut any of them up that happened to own PS3s for a while. That game, was Demon's Souls, an RPG so punishingly difficult it left grown men weeping. Now, developers FromSoftware have confirmed a spiritual successor - Dark Souls - and promised that, yes, it would be even harder.

Demon's Souls was a highly tactical action RPG set in a decayed fantasy world. It was heavy on the oppressive atmosphere which nicely accompanied the horrifying notion that you couldn't walk 10 feet without something rotten and terrifying in all likelihood, popping out and killing you. Worse, every death in the game was tracked, stripping you of all your souls (the game's universal currency) each time and actually making enemies tougher if you bought it too often. Critics assured gamers that this was a lot more fun than it sounded because it made success exponentially more rewarding for the cautious and persistent.

Even to the surprise of the developers (who seemed to be vaguely aware that the game gave the impression it was all a sick joke), Demon's Souls sold really well, especially in Japan. And on February 1st announced that they were working on a sequel, though it would not continue the plot. Obviously, there are still gamers out there who just love being fucked with but I'm not complaining, because the first leaks of gameplay from successor Dark Souls make it look like one of the most exciting titles due for release this year.

Dark Soul's setting is as yet unnamed, but has a distinctly Medieval Europe look about it: imposing Gothic castles and fortresses, ancient forests and rugged mountainous areas have so far been revealed. Enemy models are equal parts awe-inspiring and terrifying. The standard high fantasy archetypes prevalent in the first game (skeleton knights, zombies and the like) seem to have been toned down in favour of diseased and mutated versions of the local wildlife.

Case in horrible, horrible point.

Lighting and textures have been given an overhaul, so these oppressive environments and intimidating enemies are all dazzlingly well realised. Its predecessor was praised for the extent and believability of its animations particularly on the main character which have also carried over nicely. And there are a few more graphical nuances this time around, like motion blur effects which are visible in the debut trailer when a  player got nailed by what looked like an armoured rhino.

Trial and error was your one guiding light in Demon's Souls: learning enemy placement, weaknesses and trap locations was paramount. My only worry at this point with the sequel, is that the original was delicately balanced. It was tough, but not cheap. Making a point to openly announce that Dark Soul's would be more difficult was risky, if they're forced to follow through on that then they may have no choice but to approach the game sadistically. They've already openly admitted there would be areas of the game where players had, and I fucking quote: "no chance". And also that they're employing a similar system where if you die you have one chance to get back to the same place and recover your souls. This could potentially tip players over the edge to the point that they feel victimised by the game, which would poison the whole experience. Also, how forcing players back to the start of the level in order to try again will work with their new open-world design is a mystery.

Demon's Souls' hub and five main areas are gone. Replaced by a seamless world which you can explore in any fashion you choose. Instead of returning to a hub area to upgrade you skills/buy new weapons/cry at the unfairness of it all the player is able to start up their own camps, like safehouses. But there are no safe areas outside these and the area the game opens in. For example, during a demo, a player engaged an ogre-like creature that strongly resembled one of theenemies from Shadow of the Colossus (only on a much smaller scale). They attempted to escape it by fleeing to higher ground, only to be followed. From the looks of it, enemy AI will be fucking diabolical especially if they're able to follow you anywhere. There goes the option to run then.

This is unavoidable isn't it? Can't we just talk through our problems like reasonable adults?

Not much info on gameplay has been released. But players will have the ability to use the environment to their advantage this time. During the same mini-boss fight, the player managed to leap down from a ledge to stab the ogre in the back. FromSoftware promised that doing so wasn't scripted and that any attack from elevation would result in some sweet damage bonuses. Another cursory attempt to give you an easier time are the 100s of weapons and spells to find and master. But the whole point of Dark Souls is going to be the almost insurmountable challenge, and it's one I'm looking forward to trying.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution - A (gushing) Preview

My personally most anticipated shooter of 2011 (exact date of release still pending following its March 8th delay) is shaping up to be something very special indeed, despite (or perhaps because of) showing a marked resemblance to Bethesda's U.S. wasteland RPG, Fallout 3. Plot, setting and art design take major cues from sci-fi staple Blade Runner and anime series Ghost in the Shell (more on that later), but in terms of gameplay and level design, the similarities are extensive.

It is stunning however, with luscious lighting and dystopian details. A far cry from Fallout's muddy nuclear textures.

Not that that's a bad thing, Fallout was a game about choice - a very common ethic in RPGs these days thanks to Bioware but it also made its way into shooter genres as well. The attempt to give consequence to play action was streamlined by a morality system which could give players a quantified idea of their progress and visual cues through NPC interaction: if they look like they don't like you, chances are you've made some morally dubious decisions recently. Oddly, Deus Ex is lacking in that department, with no morality-meter you're left in a permanent state of ethical 'greyness', which is a pleasant change of pace.

This is not a grand tale of post-Apocalyptic adventure, or a dramatic Space Opera but a jaded man's attempt to uncover corporate conspiracy. Granted it's world-wide (and the world in this case is certainly futuristic but still believable) in scope but you're not a hero in the traditional sense. It makes sense for such a main character to remain emotionally distant and Machiavellian, without Government backing he needs to make constantly difficult decisions that would benefit him personally in his quest and as far as possible, disregard the inevitable collateral damage. And that character is Adam Jenson. As private security he's hired to protect an experimental biotechnology lab, which is subsequently attacked leaving Adam mortally wounded.

It's worth noting at this point that Human Revolution is the third Deus Ex game and a prequel to the events of the first. The original was a much loved, complex and dynamic shooter set in a world where nanomachine technology had reached extraordinary heights. As a prequel by some decades, Human Revolution's world has yet to discover/implement this technology and the preferred method of body modification is by overt mechanical attachments in much the same vein as Ghost in the Shell or I, Robot. Conveniently, the lab Adam gets riddled with holes in at the outset of the game, is one specialising in these cutting-edge prosthetic enhancements. So not only is Jenson fixed up but he's gifted with new arms (that can bust through concrete walls and sprout lethal blades), eyes and other accoutrements. This provides the fundamental aspect of the gameplay.

Expect plenty of this.

At first glance, DE:HR looks like your average FPS but Eidos Montreal have taken much the same approach to Bethesda and Bioware in that you'll spend as much time hacking terminals, engaging in conversation with NPCs and exploring environments as squeezing the trigger. You're various augmentations can and will have to be systematically upgraded, not just to better wade through hoards of super-soldiers and mechs but to better accomplish all the other tasks above. It treads a fine line between RPG and shooter, you'll need an itchy index finger and caffeine-addict reaction time just as much as a tenacious attitude to grinding and resource farming.

It's the developers' approach to choice that marks this out as more exciting an idea than usual and they displayed that most effectively with their PAX 2010 demo. Adam's objective was simple, enter a guarded area and set off a bomb. First though, you'd have to get past the gate and into the complex. The most obvious way to achieve that would be to pull out your biggest firearm and go in blasting, but you could also try to sneak past the guard using optical camouflage; hack the security robots to cause a distraction for you; attempt to sweet-talk the guard; jump the fence or find a gap. The developer went with the last option, but to do so had to move a large crate in order to access the gap, which they did by upgrading Adam's ability to lift heavy objects. Human Revolution's biggest draw for me is not just the availability of all these options, but the fact that there's no morality system preventing you from experimenting with them. Bioware games are particularly bad for this, forcing you to be consistent in play style and actively punishing players that try to tow a moral grey area but DE:HR rewards you.

If they can apply that flexibility to all their missions, keep the story engaging and mysterious and develop on Adam's initial reluctance to undergo bodily augmentation, then right now there's not much stopping Human Revolution being nigh no perfect come release day/