Something Else That Isn't An Essay

I feel like I should apologise to those of you who read yesterday's post who didn't have a near-academic knowledge of Pokemon but I'm sure you can empathise. When you have a deadline towering over you it's natural that you'd turn to something your mind naturally drifts to when looking for another way to occupy your time. On that note, here are ten other things I'd rather do than work.

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10. Spend 10 minutes on the phone to any company's customer assistance department.

9. Co-write a screenplay with M. Night Shyamalan.

8. Lunge wildly at the Pope.

Look at him. He's just begging you to do it.

7. Slap-box a lion wearing Lady Gaga's meat costume.

6. Drink 'responsibly'.

This guy knows what I'm talking about.

5. Furiously defecate on the White House lawn. Dressed like a ghost.

4. Do jumping jacks on a prayer mat, stopping every 30 seconds to call Allah a pussy.

3. Put my dick in a blender. Or Ke$ha.

2. Be violently sodomised by a prison inmate named Scrunchie.

You want to know how he got the name? So does he.

1. Get punched in the testicles by Martha Stewart. Just because there's the added horror that when she finishes, she'd lean down and whisper: 'your genitals are now a rippling puddle between your legs, it's a good thing.'